quick flashback
just finished 4/5 exams... and 3rd of the week. (didn't finish the last paper actually.. ran out of time) it's the 2nd last day of the exam period and most people are already having fun and having that taste of having successfully completed yet another, or maybe their first semester at this reputable institution of higher learning.
The weather's getting colder by the day, and soon this university suburb will be reduced to only little more than the quacking of ducks in the evening and the chirping of birds in the morning. people move on with their lives, take a break, 'chill-out'. anything but the the thought of any work. they've earned this long-awaited holiday!
it somehow feels very different for me. i'm not sure if it's because my exams are all jam-packed at the end and i'll be having my 4th exam of the week tomorrow that i'm not getting this feeling of 'release', of liberation. i am highly fearful that i've grown to become workaholic. as though i've inherited it from dad. you earn your keep, no windfalls.
any mistake made felt miserable, because it's about being better than the one that's sitting on top of the game ladder now. it's highly competitive, unless you choose to be ignorant and dwell in a realm of your own. my friend told me that 'you win some, you lose some'. i don't know if i've won anything, but i know i've lost quite a fair bit over the course of time. the rules here is that you only get to play once. no repeats. no restarts.
this semester has been a hostile semester; it had been about fighting that desire to get more sleep, to balance my time, to keep things to the minimum. and i feel like i'm fighting this fight alone. feels like no one cares sometimes. even if they do, it felt superficial. i'm still trying to understand the mystery of people change so much just over summer break. people i know now only care about staying in and not reaching out.
which makes me look a fool trying to help another that might feel the same way that i do, only to be left behind by those who once stayed with me through highs and ups. sadly, that seemed to last only for a year.
i feel used.
friends huh?
just dont start trusting books.
trust only the One.
The weather's getting colder by the day, and soon this university suburb will be reduced to only little more than the quacking of ducks in the evening and the chirping of birds in the morning. people move on with their lives, take a break, 'chill-out'. anything but the the thought of any work. they've earned this long-awaited holiday!
it somehow feels very different for me. i'm not sure if it's because my exams are all jam-packed at the end and i'll be having my 4th exam of the week tomorrow that i'm not getting this feeling of 'release', of liberation. i am highly fearful that i've grown to become workaholic. as though i've inherited it from dad. you earn your keep, no windfalls.
any mistake made felt miserable, because it's about being better than the one that's sitting on top of the game ladder now. it's highly competitive, unless you choose to be ignorant and dwell in a realm of your own. my friend told me that 'you win some, you lose some'. i don't know if i've won anything, but i know i've lost quite a fair bit over the course of time. the rules here is that you only get to play once. no repeats. no restarts.
this semester has been a hostile semester; it had been about fighting that desire to get more sleep, to balance my time, to keep things to the minimum. and i feel like i'm fighting this fight alone. feels like no one cares sometimes. even if they do, it felt superficial. i'm still trying to understand the mystery of people change so much just over summer break. people i know now only care about staying in and not reaching out.
which makes me look a fool trying to help another that might feel the same way that i do, only to be left behind by those who once stayed with me through highs and ups. sadly, that seemed to last only for a year.
i feel used.
friends huh?
just dont start trusting books.
trust only the One.
thoughts of tanoshi at 3:01 PM
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